


Under The Waves

by TddkPowers



Series: The Lake [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Asuka is nicer, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But a touch of angst for some heart attacks, Childhood Friends, Depressed Ikari Shinji, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Drowning, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kissing, Love, M/M, Memories, MerMay, Merman! Kaworu, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Past Life Memories, Past Lives, Pining, Sad Ikari Shinji, Shinji gets a nice hug, Water, fast burn, first chapter is not too sad, idk if ill do a Kaworu pov, its endless pining on Shinji's side, its fast as hell, like 17-18, probably tho, slightly older than cannon, this is almost all fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-27 05:30:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19784233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TddkPowers/pseuds/TddkPowers
Summary: Shinji and his friends go out to a lake to just chill but then Shinji misplaces his foot and ends up in an underwater current and meets a really attractive Merman!





	1. Aqua

“WAKE UP SHINJI!” Screamed Asuka, just a tad bit angrier than usual.

Shinji groaned in annoyance.

“Did you forget about today, Shinji?” Rei monotonously questioned.

“Were going swimming in the lake today, idiot! Now hurry up and get ready so we can go! We’ll be waiting in the car.” Asuka demanded, her ginger locks flowing as she pivoted and exited the small room, Rei following behind.

——

He pulled on his swim trunks. The shorts were a light blue color, and that reminded him of the last time he went swimming. How long ago it was, that is a repressed memory.

A white shirt slid over his arms. The clouds of that horrid day on the beach. It was supposed to be fun. That wasn't what fate had in mind

The brunette let out a sigh, and the memories of the riptide that dragged his mother under the surface. Her body was never found, and not long after, his father disowned him and he was put into foster care. His foster parent, Misato, was a good person, although a careless drunk who never did anything to help him around the house.

‘No time to be daydreaming. Asuka will get even angrier if i take any longer.’ Shinji hurried out of his small apartment and jumped into the backseat, as Asuka had called shotgun and Rei was the best driver out of them.

——

The 2 hour drive to the peaceful river fun, as they sat in the car just discussing things, cracking jokes and listening to music. They were all best friends after all.

“We made it!” The redhead bellowed. You could practically feel the disturbance she’d caused.

“Asuka, can you be just a little quieter?” Shinji asked of his rambunctious friend, earning a glare from the redhead.

“I agree with Shinji, Asuka. Just lower your voice a bit.” The cesious-haired girl robotically asked.

A huff and scoff from Asuka in response.

The trio observed their surroundings, admiring nature's work in creating this absolutely beautiful scenery.

The water of the shallow, calm, aqua waters, gingerly flowing against the banks and scooping up sand and silt once in awhile, causing it to become slightly murky in the otherwise clean waters. The sound of the gently flowing water turning into weak rapids, and cascading down the mall waterfall. A carved out section behind the waterfall made the perfect hang out spot. The plants lay perfectly outside where the soil of the ground and the lakes edge meet, forming a border of different greens and other colors from the springs grace of flowers.

They set up all of their snacks and towels in that small indent.

The teens hung out, telling stories and catching up a bit, telling the latest family drama.

“We should start getting in the water before it gets too dark.” Rei suggested, and the others agreed.

——

The older teens sat just below the waterfall, getting mist in their hair and on their young faces.

“Jeez! The water is too cold!” Asuka complained but still waded into the shallow water.

“I really don't know what you're talking about. It's warm.” Rei comfortably argued, but still very monotonous.

“Also, Shinj why did you want to come here instead of the beach? It's much warmer there and just better all together.” The redhead complained, looking away from Shinji, crossing her arms and scoffing.

“Umm… im not really comfortable talking about it…” The brunette looked down at his lap, feeling absolutely defeated recalling the repressed memories. The day was supposed to be happy and relaxed.

“Awww c’mon! You’re no fun, now SPILL THE TEA!” Asuka demanded.

“No, Asuka. I'm not going to talk about this right now. This is not the place for it.” His heart settles to the depths of emptiness at the thought of his mother being ripped from the surface of the lively beach.

“Come on Shinji!” The long blue-eyed girl’s prying was not helping to ease the boy’s troubled mind.

“I said no!” He did not mean to raise his voice but it happened but it got her to stop prying.

“S-sorry…” Asuka stuttered, and that was rare.

The mood was destroyed for a solid 20 minutes, and awkward silence was the only thing there. That’s why Rei was there. She was the glue that held the three of them together. She fully restored the mood back to relaxed and almost had them forget about the events 30 minutes prior.

——

Shinji hummed as he comfortably stood in the shallows. He pushed up off of the ground towards where Rei and Asuka were wading and missed his footing, plunging into the water.

It was supposed to be a fun day, and drowning wasn’t part of the plan. The once shallow waters took a dip and Shinji realized this much too late, and was sucked under by a strong underwater current, ripping him down and to the bottom of the not-so-shallow lake.

“Shinji!” The redhead and Rei screamed in unison as Asuka started to swim towards him, Rei stopped her because the same fate would befall her if she swam after him.

Panic and confusion set in. If he were to guess, the water was about 10-20 meters deep and he was almost at the bottom. The boy realized that he would die in almost the same fashion as his mother. He hates water. Shinji, deep in his heart, knew if he didn’t fight he would die, but if he fought he would die anyway because he had been under for about 40 seconds.

Basically, he was screwed.

The rush of the underwater tides and the burning of his lungs as he struggled to stay conscious was disorienting. Although there was another wave of energy as he faded in and out of consciousness, an unexpected beaming white figure gracefully swam towards him, with short flowing white hair, an extremely pale complexion, and beautiful red eyes with long white eyelashes connected to their lids. This figure appeared to be a boy, around his age with an equally white fish tail. A bubble materialized between the beautiful boy’s hands. They were pale and thin and calm and warmth radiated off of them. The bubble was sent towards him carefully, and as soon as it hit his face he took a deep breath in and coughed up mouthfuls of water that he had inhaled.

Shinji looked up to see his red eyes in the dark aqua water, slightly murky, and the albino boy’s figure fading away into the depths. Shinji could see a faint red glow along with a faint smile plastered on the creature’s pale face. It was sweet and his eyes were calm and caring. As soon as the beautiful white figure was there, it was gone and Shinji was ascending to the surface. The brunette boy arose from the depths, extremely confused and, for once in his life, glad to be alive. Rei and Asuka looked in utter disbelief that he was alive, and he had just rose to the surface almost completely unharmed, although still coughing up water. Dumbfounded on what had just happened, Asuka was a hysterical mess. And frantically swam towards Shinji as the blue-haired girl followed suit. 

“Shinji!” The redhead gave him a big hug, and absolutely bawling her eyes out as she tugged him towards the edge of the lake. Rei sighed in relief.

——

The drive back was filled with questions.

“What happened? How did you come back up from that? What did you see down there?” The blue-eyed teen berated him with questions.

All of his answers were, ‘I don’t know.’ Because frankly, it was all too much to take. And how could he tell his best friends that he saw a really attractive albino merman that saved him by magically creating an air bubble, pushing it to his face and making him float up. There was no way they wouldn't tease him and call him hilarious or something.

——

‘I guess I'll tell them another day’ Shinji thought, a huff coming out as he flopped on his bed.


	2. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhhhhh- in this chapter shinji has a panic attack after he has a nightmare of his mother, but he sees her bloated body, so if you’re sensitive to that please just skip that part (its like, 2 paragraphs of description) and they go back to the lake to calm him down.

As soon as Shinji’s head hit the pillow he was out like a light, and almost immediately tossed into a dream.

Swirling colors filled his vision, blue and green and white and aqua. The swallowing presence of water is exactly like being in a dream. It fills your lungs with a heavy and thick substance. But this dream was slightly different. It wasn’t just weird and downright disturbing visions, it was nice ones.

The albino creature, who was enchanting with his beauty and grace, was his entire dream. The brunette wondered how it felt to touch his human-like skin on his top half, and what is was like to feel his flowing white hair, and what his tail would feel like. So many questions that filled his mind and dreams. And with all of these questions, another arose.

Why was he wondering about these things? Why did he want to run his hands through the Merman’s hair, and what his tail scales would feel like.

His dream was rudely interrupted by a loud car horn outside his apartment.

Shinji grumbled awake with a sigh, and laid his head back onto his pillow, falling asleep almost instantly again.

This however, was not the dream he was looking to come back to.

His feet were on shifting sand, and they were a lot smaller. He looked down and proceeded to remember where he was, and what was about to ensue.

A hand gingerly grabbed his, affection filling his entire body. The younger Shinji looked up to see another brunette. She had a beautiful smile plastered on her smooth face. His mother was looking down at him, but sincerely and affectionately. 

That changed very quickly, though.

The two of them hadn’t moved, but his mother’s once beautiful face started to bloat and turn green, her eyes swelling shut. Clumps of her soft brown hair frizzed and proceeded to fall out, and her hand swelled so much that young dream Shinji could only hold one of her once slender and caring fingers. His mother started to sway until she fell over and liquefied onto the sand.

Shinji woke up crying, and sweating, tears filled his navy blue eyes and sobs wracked his body. The panic and memories washing over him like a tsunami. The sobbing teen quivered with his knees to his chest and continuing to sob and hiccup uncontrollably. He picked up his phone, it was 8am, and he dialed Asuka’s number, she picked up the phone.

“Shinji, why the hell are you calling so…” Her voice raspy from sleep, she trailed off, hearing his desperate cries.

“P-p-pl-please c-c-come he-hel-help me.” Shinji brokenly sobbed out, choking on his words.

“O-okay, do you want me to call Rei too?” The redheads voice was extremely concerned and reassuring. 

“Y-ye-yes.” Shinji’s coughing and sniffling reverberated through the phone and his room.

“Be there in five.” As she hung up.

——

Shinji didn’t have to let her in, since she knew where he hid his spare key if he lost it.

She was true to her word. She was there in five minutes flat with Rei. She brought candy, a blanket, mugs, and tea.

Since Shinji was such a small guy, Asuka practically scooped him off of his bed while Rei swaddled him in the blanket. The two females set him down on his bed, and Asuka scurried to his miniscule kitchen and filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil as she practically threw the tea bags in.

“Shinji, tell us what happened. Please.” Rei losing her robotic tone for a comforting one.

“N-not y-y-y-yet.”

“Do you want hugs first, tea, or candy?” The hot-headed teen smiled and asked, her head peeking in.

“T-tea”

“Gotcha!” She ran back into the small kitchen and prepared the earl grey tea in the mugs she brought. They had small little affirmations on them. Most of them going along the lines of “you’re the best!” and “you can do anything!” scrawled onto the mugs in readable cursive. 

“Th-thank you” his sobbing calming down in the presence of his best friends.

——

He told them about the death of his mother, about the dream and the reason why beaches scare him.

His friends hugged him and cried with him.

——

20 minutes later, Shinji’s panic attack had subsided into small hiccups and sniffling.

“Is there anywhere you’d like to go today?” Rei asked, knowing if so that she would be the driver.

“Th-the lake.” Hiccups invaded his sentence. The two girls looked at each other and nodded. 

“We’re going home to go get out stuff. We’ll be right back!” Her ginger hair flowed behind her as she was about to leave.

“Can you get us goggles?”

The Asuka gave him a confused look, but then smiled back at him.

“Sure” and with that she closed and locked his door.

This time, he was going to go down and meet the beautiful creature he met the day before.

——

They all hopped into the car and made the two hour drive up to the secluded lake.

“Hey guys. I forgot to mention this, but…” he trailed off and braced himself as the girls paid attention without looking.

“I saw something at the bottom of the lake yesterday.”

Silence. But it wasn't dreadful.

“Wh-what did you see?” The driver asked, a rare stutter and quiver in her voice.

“I-i saw a… really cool fish.” Shinji lied, feeling horrible about lying to his best friends.

“That's. So. Cool. SHINJI THAT’S AWESOME!” The redhead flailed in excitement, her arms up in the air as he bounced around in the front seat.

“I looked up the characteristics of the fish and the internet, and it said it was really rare.”

Asuka’s screams and giggles of joy filled the car, and the brunette almost had to cover his ears she was so loud.

The rest of the drive there she was mostly Asuka fangirling about a fish that he didn’t see.


	3. Still Here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this ones just tad bit shorter than usual, i wrote two-chapters in one day

The water reminded him of a slow and melancholy piano piece. How the pianists long, thin fingers effortlessly glided across the keys. That person beautifully playing the piano adapted version of Lilium. Its minor and major chords reverberating through the empty room, absent of any other sound but the keys being pushed and the pedals lifting and falling with the person’s foot to create the desired sound.

The pianists emotions deeply embedded into the piece they were playing so perfectly, causing the listener to feel their emotions being lead to memories once forgotten, and those memories bring on eminence sadness and happiness and emptiness at the same time it hurts to listen any longer, even though you enjoy the piece dearly. 

Music will do that to you. And so will water. 

The feeling of being totally alone in a body of water, just you, your thoughts and the water.

Shinji wondered why water evokes these feelings within oneself as he stared out the back window of the car, the panic attack’s side effects starting to roll in like a boulder.

A sigh left his lips as he rested his chin in his palm.

—— 

The trio arrived and almost instantly Shinji started to unpack.

“Hey Shin, we’re gonna take a quick nap, that cool?” The redhead yawned and proceeded to lay down without him even having to answer. Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out like a light.

Rei had already gone to sleep, and man was she a good driver, even when she was sleepy.

“Sure.”

Shinji held his breath and descended to the bottom of the moderately clear lake, fish swimming about, their glistening scales were absolutely enchanting. As he swam deeper and deeper, the heavier the water around him became.

The soft glow of the sun's rays barely shining through the brightly colored water of the lake.

Waves of melancholy and deja vu washed over the human boy. He almost exhaled it was so strong. He looked down below and saw how dark it got. He could see what looked to be stars, and swirling around. Looking at this display of swirls, he remembered a chunk of a place he had never been, but had been many times in his mind, but he was looking up at the sky with another person. The person was ghostly pale, with white hair, and with red eyes that could swallow you up in an instant. He looked exactly like the creature he saw.

Sometimes, Shinji dreams about that boy that he never knew, wishing he was real. The blue eyed boy knew, this boy meant a lot to him, and still does, and sometimes, phantom sadness would wash over him, leaving him a sobbing mess. Shinji never knew what happened to that mysterious boy, but when he thinks of him, he cries and he doesn’t know why. Shinji would die to be where he was. He tried to be where he was. He made a promise that whatever the brunette did, he swore he would remember.

The boy leaned on his palm, and said something Shinji will never forget.

“I think I was born just to meet you.”

He really did exhale this time.

The pain and lack of oxygen sending him straight into an odd place of the brain, flashing colors and feelings and sensations rapidly switching around and forcing their way around his body and mind until—

A white light dominating most of Shinji’s vision. Waves of energy flowed and passe right through him. Looking towards the white light, the red eyes of the Merman were wide open and almost right in front of the human, he was less than a meter away, and Shinji had the opportunity to observe the absolute beauty of the creature. His hair looked so silky, and it looked even silkier closer up. His pale face so comforting and smooth-looking. His hands slightly more webbed than a human, and his fingers were so slender and soft-looking, and materializing a bubble. The slow, rise and fall of his bare and smooth chest, and the rare bubble that escaped from between his slightly parted lips.

The bubble of air encompassing Shinji’s head again.

“Please, I want to stay down here with you for a little bit.” A flush covered the humans face.

The surprise on the breathtaking creature’s face, it will be a cherished memory for years to come. The slow nod from the albino was euphoria- inducing.

Another bubble materialized to, surprisingly, encompassed the merman’s face. He moved closer to the human, their bubbles colliding and forming into one.

“Umm…”

“Yes?”

The human gasped in shock. He could speak? And he could speak English at that? So many questions to ask.

“You can talk!?”

“Well, yes.”

“Wh-what's your n-name, i-if you have one.”

“Its… Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa, and yours?”

“Sh-shinji Ikari.” The human flushed and looked away as the creature- no, Kaworu got ever so closer.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kaworu asked, quite gleeful and innocently.

“Of-Of course.”

“What’s the outside word like? I haven’t gone outside this lake for quite awhile!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sad cause this one is even shorter than the last, but its pretty important.

Shinji’s head pivoted and looked at the other directly in the eyes, when Kaworu asked the world-breaking question

“What's the outside world like? I haven’t gone outside this lake for quite awhile!”

He had been on land at some point in time.

Answering that question was hard, and Shinji still wonders how in the hell he managed to.

“It’s… Its… nice.” The human practically whispered, still flushed from the close proximity to the other-worldly being, his white eyelashes clumped together, and his silky-looking hair still very voluminous, even when soaked in water, and his deep red eyes, glossy and wide, but not creepy.

Kaworu’s white lips formed into a smile and his eyes narrowed sincerely, his face drenched.

`Why does he have to be so handsome!’ A voice echoed in Shinji’s head, becoming slightly frustrated with himself. 

“Are you okay?” Kaworu’s soft and comforting voice broke him out of his thoughts, his deep red eyes filled with concern and sympathy, and his thin white brows furrowed upwards, and a slight frown crossing his face.

“Um yeah i'm fine, just spacing out.” Shinji’s flush dialing down to a lightpink dust across his cheeks.

“Shinji, I have one more question to ask you.”

“What is it, Kaworu?” The brunette just managed to not stutter, and he noticed that saying Kaworu’s name made his heart swell, for some odd reason.

“Can I, see your hand?” The albino blushed slightly, a sight that will be forever etched into Shinji’s memories.

“Y-yeah of course!” He squeaked, pulling his hand out of the water and into the bubble of air. Kaworu examined the tan hand with child-like wonder.

“I haven’t seen one of these in a long time!” His webbed hands reaching out of the water as he grabbed Shinji’s thumb, ring and pinky fingers and squeezed them slightly. A squeak of shock escaped from Shinji, the other instantly let go and looked really guilty.

“Im sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you…”

“N-no you didn’t! I was just… surprised is all.”

“Im sorry this turned awkward because of me. I just… I just haven’t seen hands in what feels like forever.”

“Please Kaworu stop it’s not awkward because of you! It's because of me.”

“Oh no i've made you upset now, I’m messing up so bad!” 

“Please stop putting yourself down, you did nothing wrong!” Shinji waved his hand around signaling to stop putting himself down, while Kaworu fussed over ‘making him upset’ which he didn’t do.

——

“Well, it was nice seeing you again, Shinji.” The beaming smile back on his pale face.

“S-same to you, Kaworu.” Shinji stuttered and, once again flushed and looked away.

As Shinji ascended back to the surface, he looked down at Kaworu to see him waving his hand and mouthing ‘come back soon’.

“Wow…” he said as he surfaced. He exited the water and wrapped a towel around himself tapped Asuka and Rei awake.

“Jeez. Why’d you wake us up?” A yawn escaping her as she stretched her arms and legs.

“How long were we out for?”

“An hour.” Shinji replied blandly. He hadn’t realized he had been in the water for so long.

“Wow. Should we go home or do you still wanna hang here?”

“We should get home, it's already five.”

“Yeah, if we were to stay any longer we would get home really late.” A sigh escaped Rei after this statement was made. The other teens agreed and they all hopped into the car.

‘Am I going crazy, or did I just talk to a Merman?’ Shinji’s voice echoed in his mind, his brain was absolutely on the fritz.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall I'm back and ready to blast! Im working on a sequel to this so thats why it has taken so long (along with being creatively burnt out. Ive been writing so much so fast that my update speed will be a bit slower, but quality over quantity, amiroit! Its a good 950 words or so so its not too short!

Kaworu took a deep breath in, air filling his lungs. Had to be wary when he surfaced, for humans might be near. Although he lived underwater, he could breathe air too. Oxygen felt much nicer to breathe than water, so he occasionally had to get a nice inhale of oxygen. For some reason, however, he trusted Shinji. He knew in his heart that he was the one who wouldn’t tell a soul. The very thought of Shinji was enough to make him delirious. The way his skin turned pink when he saw Kaworu was euphoric, so much so he had to hold himself back from hugging him, and running his fingers through his short brown hair. The siren descended, his white fish tail propelling him through the water. 

“I can’t do this forever.” The albino huffed and curled up in his small indent under the water. He was trapped in the small lake, bored as hell. There was literally nothing to do other than chase the fish around and mess with predators near the water’s edge. He was going insane just sitting there waiting to rot.

“When are you coming back?” He questioned allowed, knowing that no one would answer.

A splash in the middle of the middle of the lake got his attention. As he swam up to the noise, he saw a silhouette descending. On closer inspection, it was Shinji! 

‘Oh my god yes!” Kaworu thought as he swam up to see the human. He started materializing the bubbles so they could talk and breathe. This time he made them purposely smaller. Just small enough to notice, but not too small that it was invasive. 

“Um…”

“Yes?” This interaction started very similar to their first, although better because of their closer proximity. 

“Shinji, do you love anyone?”

“Wh-what! N-n-no! At least I don’t think that’s what it is.” The humans face going bright red and looking away while the other had to cross his arms to stop himself from grabbing him. Shinji’s blush never ceased to make Kaworu go crazy every time he saw it plastered on the human’s face. ‘Why does he have to be so cute!’ Kaworu wondered.

He also wondered why he always felt full of energy and drive each time he met up with Shinji, his heart about to practically burst out of his chest, feeling dizzy and butterflies in his stomach. These symptoms were of some random illness, but Kaworu just had a feeling that this was not an illness. If he remembered, it was called love. His parents said that love makes you feel a certain way. The way that feels is dependant on the person, and who or what you love depends on the person as well. 

“Hey Kaworu, I have a question for you.”

“What is it, Shinji?”

“C-can I touch your hand?” 

They both went red in unison, Shinji somehow getting redder

“Yeah sure.” Why did he feel like this? He felt so hot. He felt like he could literally combust at any second, and yet almost his entire body was in decently cold water. Oh god was he really dying? He felt dizzy and he felt like he could just somehow get so hot that he’d catch on fire and die. ‘Oh god does he like me? Am I going to die? What is even happening right now!’ While Kaworu was mentally screaming, Shinji reached out towards his hand and grabbed it.

Shinji’s fingers grabbing the sides of his webbed hands and fingers.

“Wow these are so cool!” The human beamed and seeing that expression on his slightly tanned face brought Kaworu back and to reality and sent his stomach to his tail fin. Shinji was beaming and it was so cute! He couldn't hold himself back anymore. He wrapped his arms around Shinji’s and it felt so good. If he remembers, this was called a hug. He hadn’t done this in a very long time. He somehow got even hotter. He felt like he was literally smoking and the human was the cause.

“Kaworuwhatareyoudoing?!” He instantly let go and started apologizing

“Oh god did I make you uncomfortable I’m so sorry-” he was stopped by a finger gingerly placed against his lips.

“Kaworu stop you didn’t make me uncomfortable you just caught me off guard.” Shinji was blushing like a firetruck and it was even cuter than when he was beaming. His webbed hands were quivering. 

This, this was love. This was love and it felt so good, but it hurt so much at the same time. It hurt when he wasn’t near Shinji. It hurt when he saw Shinji sad, it hurt so bad he couldn’t stop himself from crying. Even though he was underwater, his tears felt warm and gross contrasting with the relatively cold water. His chest rising quickly and in short bursts. Coughing happened too. It was so uncomfortable to sob like that. He hoped Shinji didn’t go through this.

Merfolk are sensitive creatures, so he could practically feel Shinji’s emotions. Kaworu had not mastered the art of feeling others emotions yet, so some he could not detect. He could feel the brunettes sadness. He was sad a lot.

“Can-can you hug me again?” A waver and stutter in his voice. Did he just ask for Kaworu to hug him again? This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real! This was too good to be true! As the albino slid his pale arms under Shinji’s tan ones, the brunette got really warm. It was almost electrical how nice it felt. Kaworu put his hands on Shinji’s back. Shinji hugged back. If this was a dream, he hoped he would be comatose.


	6. Everglow

The feeling of Kaworu hugging him was euphoric and it felt like he had died and gone to heaven. He felt like he was going to throw up any second, but it felt so good at the same time. Oh god when he hugged back it felt even better. The feeling was glowing. There is no other way to describe it, other than glowing. And he smelled of sunshine and warmth. It’s so weird, but he smelled warm and glowing, like the sun. So pure and untouched, he wanted more. 

For once, he wanted to be selfish. For once Shinji wanted to grow a backbone and just be a normal, functioning human being that is not plagued with depression and anxiety so strong and debilitating that most days he wouldn't even leave his room to get something to eat, his horrible eating habits worsening his already thin frame.

“Please, don't cry. I don't want to see you sad.” 

He realized he was crying, tears rolling down his face. For once he didn’t want to withdraw. He wanted to continue hugging the other and actually open up to someone, truthfully. The brunette always felt like he was being used constantly, and it hurt. Others knew he had no backbone, no bite, no spirit. Kaworu didn’t make him feel like that. Kaworu made him feel warm and his chest felt fuzzy and full when he thought about the merman, and when he was near him.

“Please, don't cry. If you cry, I will too.”

“I’m so sorry Kaworu…” His sniffling was getting in the way of him speaking.

“Shinji how can I make you happy?” It hurt to see Kaworu’s distraught face, amd knowing it was caused by him made it hurt even more. Shinji’s grip tightened around the other’s arms.

“I don’t know.” 

Shinji was a broken human, and although he didn’t look like he was absolutely shattered, he was. Kaworu was really putting him back together. Piece by piece. Meticulously and carefully. He wasn’t just throwing all the pieces around, throwing away the pieces he didn’t like and trying to forge new ones to fill the void. He wasn’t like the other who tried to “help” him. Kaworu was actually repairing what was once deemed unrepairable.

“Okay. I’ll just hug you tighter then.” When his grip tightened around Shinji, he felt like he had been put back together. He felt alive, and glowing, and brand new. Although this was only a hug, he felt like it was the begining of something new. This was more than a platonic hug. This felt more, more loving, more caring, more romantic. The longer they stayed interlocked, the feeling of attraction and love grew stronger.

“Th-thank you. I really n-needed this.” He had his sobs under control.

“I need to go back up so I can eat. I’ll be back tommorow.”

“Can you bring me some food when you come back?”

“Sure!” The brunette was surprised by this question, but he agreed. He wondered how the other would react.

“See you soon.” The albino mouthed as Shinji ascended to the surface of the water. Taking a deep breath in and then swimming to the shore. 

“I think I’m in love with Kaworu.” 

——

He returned the next morning (he woke up early so he could spend as much time with Kaworu as possible) with all his favorite foods that he could afford, and brought it to the lake. Shinji descended and Kaworu went up to create the bubbles again, but the human declined and just pointed up. 

“Are you able to hop up on the shore?” 

“Yeah I’m fine, it's a little hard to get back, though.”

“I can push you back if you get stuck.” 

“And also, Kaworu, these are all my favorite foods so they’re guaranteed to be good.”

“Nice to know, but I trusted you anyways. You’re my friend after all.” Kaworu remarked. It was absolutely amazing to hear the other call him his friend, but it also kind of hurt. Like there was nothing else going on. But, he was just happy to spend time with Kaworu.

“Dessert first!” Shinji pulled out a nice slice of cheesecake, plain but still delicious nonetheless.

——

‘Wow, those were all really tasty, Shinji.” The albino smiled and Shinji literally could not hold himself back this time. He lunged out for the other and kissed him, running his fingers through his platinum hair, it was extremely soft and silky. The albino’s lips were soft, too. Shinji immediately recoiled at his actions and was practically beet red. 

“I regret everything.” He was partially telling the truth. He didn’t regret kissing Kaworu because it felt so good. He wanted to melt it felt so good, but he had ruined the friendship that he just founded. He started to get up when Kaworu grabbed his wrist, and pulled him in for another kiss. Shinji was pleasantly surprised, and this time, it felt even better. He didn’t regret it, because it wasn’t him making the first move, and Kaworu’s webbed hands cupping his face felt perfect. He was put back together by someone who wasn’t even human, but he wouldn't have it any other way. When Kaworu pulled away, his disappointment and sadness was immeasurable. 

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very long time.” Kaworu looked up to the sky, then turned back to Shinji.

“I love you, Shinji Ikari.”


End file.
